A Buginese Wedding in Sulawesi

Sometimes time moves faster than our ability to record everything in our minds. And that’s when things fall out of our to-do lists and we don’t even notice it.

“time forever in debt of plans” as my husband wrote in a poem.

And so in the frenzy of daily life I forgot about the amazing wedding I went to, uninvited, on my way to Toraja in early 2024.

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My driver picked me up early and we left Makassar to go to Rantepao by road. He was chatty and by the end of the morning he’d understood that I was looking for cultural experiences. So whenever he’d see something that could be interesting for me, he’d give me a little explanation.

As we drove through the plains towards the mountains on a superb highway we saw miles and miles of fields and a row of traditional houses along the road. He explained that the shape of the crown at the top of the roof declared the community of the owners. In the early part of the journey we saw roof tops that meant that the family was Buginese.

Soon we had lunch at a busy highway restaurant and had just begun our journey forward when the driver pulled over to the side and pointed to a house across the road. Some festive banners had been hung up around the house.

He explained that there was a wedding going on and asked whether I would like to visit. Did he know them I asked….”Of course not” he said… but that was no reason to stop ourselves from going……

[I was reminded of my friend Harpreet from my MBA college … a suave young man with a charming manner. He could get away with many things … and he’d taught the rest of us not-so-polished people to gatecrash weddings that were held on our campus. But that’s an entertaining story for another blog note.]

So the driver and I crossed the highway somehow … and walked towards the wedding home where guests had gathered and lunch was underway. There were mostly men downstairs and the women were upstairs.

The driver introduced himself to the elderly man who looked like he was in charge and I don’t know what he said to introduce me in the local language, but they came up to welcome me.

Then some ladies came and without a common language we began to speak – our eyes and smiles and hands succeeded where our voices failed. And I was led up to the rooms upstairs where all the women had gathered.

All the women, dressed in similar colors sat in a row on the floor opposite each other with the food laid out on low tables between them. The arrangement was elaborate and very pretty. The young lady who brought me upstairs introduced me to everyone and they all welcomed me with their smiles as I was led to the bride’s chamber …

And WOW what an elaborate wedding outfit!!! Bridal dresses are beautiful everywhere … but this one is quite easily the most elaborate one I’ve seen.

We held hands and I wished her well….

Within a few minutes the groom came up to the chamber chaperoned by the mother of the bride … and we all interacted without a language.

After a few minutes it was time to be on our way and so I was led back downstairs, stepping through the rows of guests. The video below shows the ongoing feast in the zanaana (the word is borrowed from urdu) or the chamber of the women.

Everyone joined in for photos that they took and I took …

Eventually I left, feeling very very grateful to the driver and to serendipity. What a fabulous start to a fabulous trip.

The way they openly welcomed a stranger into their intimate family event and welcomed me to eat with them, without any questions of who I was is something that will stay with me forever.

And I hope I will get a chance to do practice what I learnt from them and do this for someone someday.

This intrinsic attitude of inclusiveness and welcoming everyone graciously is the essence of rural Asia.

And perhaps this is the reason that Asia is so special!

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Read more about the rest of the Toraja trip here

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jaina mishra

Wovensouls Art Gallery